Have you ever had a friendship with someone that you wanted to be so much more than it was?
I feel like I'm in that friendship right now. It's so frustrating. I want to believe that we're the best of friends, that there's nothing that either of us wouldn't do for the other. But I feel like this is very one sided.
Even when we're together in the same place, our friendship is superficial at best. We talk about mundane, trivial things. How's class? How's life on the most basic level?
And when we're apart and texting, we stick to these same topics. Or it becomes an exchange of facts. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this. I am wont to do that.
But I don't think I am. And it hurts to think that this friendship is nothing more than what it appears to be at the surface.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Life choices.
Lately, I've been thinking about my major. I'm a journalism/political science double major, for those of you who don't know. And I've been thinking that I wish I had majored in something else.
Now, don't get me wrong. Journalism is an awesome field of study. And I've learned a lot that will be applicable no matter what career field I go into and blah blah blah. But I feel like just having a degree from a liberal arts college is enough. And I've been thinking that I don't want to go into journalism anymore, really. I mean, it'd be awesome to work for the Onion, but again, I feel like having a journalism degree doesn't necessarily make me all that much more prepared for that type of job.
I don't know. I just wish I had this carefree attitude that I have now when I originally came to Concordia. At this point, I'm pretty much whatever about where life takes me. I'm not concerned about the things I was concerned with as a freshman, like paying back debt and making money and whatever else. Now, I just want to experience everything I can, no holds barred.
And it would have been awesome not to be so bogged down with making sure that I graduate in four years and doing the most that I can like double majoring with a minor and ResLife and myriad other things I chose to do in order to boost my attractiveness to potential employers. Again, I'm not saying I necessarily regret the things I did in college. I've made a lot of amazing friends and experienced a plethora of things I wouldn't have otherwise and learned more about myself than I would have if I had just stayed in lame old Rochester.
But I was so blinded and jaded when I got here and I honestly feel that there was no one telling me that it'd be okay if I didn't graduate in four years or if I didn't major in something "practical" and that I should just focus on making these the best four years of my life.
I mean, whatever. I'd probably still be feeling this way no matter what I majored in. I'm just checking out and it's only January.
Now, don't get me wrong. Journalism is an awesome field of study. And I've learned a lot that will be applicable no matter what career field I go into and blah blah blah. But I feel like just having a degree from a liberal arts college is enough. And I've been thinking that I don't want to go into journalism anymore, really. I mean, it'd be awesome to work for the Onion, but again, I feel like having a journalism degree doesn't necessarily make me all that much more prepared for that type of job.
I don't know. I just wish I had this carefree attitude that I have now when I originally came to Concordia. At this point, I'm pretty much whatever about where life takes me. I'm not concerned about the things I was concerned with as a freshman, like paying back debt and making money and whatever else. Now, I just want to experience everything I can, no holds barred.
And it would have been awesome not to be so bogged down with making sure that I graduate in four years and doing the most that I can like double majoring with a minor and ResLife and myriad other things I chose to do in order to boost my attractiveness to potential employers. Again, I'm not saying I necessarily regret the things I did in college. I've made a lot of amazing friends and experienced a plethora of things I wouldn't have otherwise and learned more about myself than I would have if I had just stayed in lame old Rochester.
But I was so blinded and jaded when I got here and I honestly feel that there was no one telling me that it'd be okay if I didn't graduate in four years or if I didn't major in something "practical" and that I should just focus on making these the best four years of my life.
I mean, whatever. I'd probably still be feeling this way no matter what I majored in. I'm just checking out and it's only January.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Random life update!
My last semester as a college student started Monday. It's crazy to think that I'll be a graduate in less than four months. Seriously crazy.
But classes so far are good. I think I'm looking at a pretty decent last semester. I have one class MWF, two classes Tuesdays, and one Thursdays. I also have an independent study somewhere in there, but I'm not sure where yet. Hopefully I'll find out soon.
I'm still applying to various AmeriCorps agencies in hopes that I'll get to volunteer with them. I've broadened my scope too, so I'm also applying at Lutheran Volunteer Corps and Episcopal Service Corps. I have an interview on January 19 with an AmeriCorps agency, Federal Way Public Schools in Washington. I'm really hoping. I'm not too concerned about getting a "real" job before I graduate, but it'd be nice.
It was good to be home for a few weeks, too, before starting my last semester. My family is pretty awesome. My dad and I got tattoos and my mom and I got haircuts. Lots of fun stuff. My brother managed to make Christmas all about him since he's really just a 5-year-old trapped in a 31-year-old's body. It's disappointing, but Christmas was still great nonetheless.
I'm already feeling a little sleep deprived. Last night was a good night for sleeping, but Sunday and Monday nights weren't, and tonight won't be any better. I'm positive that once I get into the swing of things, I'll be able to really monopolize on the time I can sleep, so I'm not too worried. Plus, who needs sleep anyway?
One more thing. It's been a weird first three days without Jess. It's odd not seeing her in the Atrium every day multiple times. Today, I saw this girl who has the same or very similar coat to Jess and it made me miss her more. I'm also a tad worried that I may begin to sequester myself off into my room now that Jess is gone, since she was pretty much the only reason I hung out in the Atrium. I'm going to try to change that, though, because I enjoy all the people that hang out in the Atrium on a regular basis. I'll let you know how that turns out.
But classes so far are good. I think I'm looking at a pretty decent last semester. I have one class MWF, two classes Tuesdays, and one Thursdays. I also have an independent study somewhere in there, but I'm not sure where yet. Hopefully I'll find out soon.
I'm still applying to various AmeriCorps agencies in hopes that I'll get to volunteer with them. I've broadened my scope too, so I'm also applying at Lutheran Volunteer Corps and Episcopal Service Corps. I have an interview on January 19 with an AmeriCorps agency, Federal Way Public Schools in Washington. I'm really hoping. I'm not too concerned about getting a "real" job before I graduate, but it'd be nice.
It was good to be home for a few weeks, too, before starting my last semester. My family is pretty awesome. My dad and I got tattoos and my mom and I got haircuts. Lots of fun stuff. My brother managed to make Christmas all about him since he's really just a 5-year-old trapped in a 31-year-old's body. It's disappointing, but Christmas was still great nonetheless.
I'm already feeling a little sleep deprived. Last night was a good night for sleeping, but Sunday and Monday nights weren't, and tonight won't be any better. I'm positive that once I get into the swing of things, I'll be able to really monopolize on the time I can sleep, so I'm not too worried. Plus, who needs sleep anyway?
One more thing. It's been a weird first three days without Jess. It's odd not seeing her in the Atrium every day multiple times. Today, I saw this girl who has the same or very similar coat to Jess and it made me miss her more. I'm also a tad worried that I may begin to sequester myself off into my room now that Jess is gone, since she was pretty much the only reason I hung out in the Atrium. I'm going to try to change that, though, because I enjoy all the people that hang out in the Atrium on a regular basis. I'll let you know how that turns out.
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