My friend Tim just told me I hadn't updated my blog in awhile, which I was aware of. However, I was not aware that it had been a month. That's crazy.
I don't really have much to update though. I'm going home in approximately four days to see the fam bam, get a tattoo and see Atmosphere in concert. Oh. And I'm doing a polar plunge this Saturday. Which is scary.
On a random tangent, I just saw an event on Facebook for this Second Hand Prom thing that Concordia is doing. And in the description, it explains that men should be getting their suits from their closets and women should be dusting off their formal dresses.
I'm not a fan of this heteronormativity. I shouldn't be surprised by it, but it is shocking to me. I know there aren't many people on this campus (if any, really) that bend gender norms. However, I don't think that means we should be promoting gender normativity.
Maybe I'm just too liberal for this campus. :/
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Frustration.
Have you ever had a friendship with someone that you wanted to be so much more than it was?
I feel like I'm in that friendship right now. It's so frustrating. I want to believe that we're the best of friends, that there's nothing that either of us wouldn't do for the other. But I feel like this is very one sided.
Even when we're together in the same place, our friendship is superficial at best. We talk about mundane, trivial things. How's class? How's life on the most basic level?
And when we're apart and texting, we stick to these same topics. Or it becomes an exchange of facts. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this. I am wont to do that.
But I don't think I am. And it hurts to think that this friendship is nothing more than what it appears to be at the surface.
I feel like I'm in that friendship right now. It's so frustrating. I want to believe that we're the best of friends, that there's nothing that either of us wouldn't do for the other. But I feel like this is very one sided.
Even when we're together in the same place, our friendship is superficial at best. We talk about mundane, trivial things. How's class? How's life on the most basic level?
And when we're apart and texting, we stick to these same topics. Or it becomes an exchange of facts. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this. I am wont to do that.
But I don't think I am. And it hurts to think that this friendship is nothing more than what it appears to be at the surface.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Life choices.
Lately, I've been thinking about my major. I'm a journalism/political science double major, for those of you who don't know. And I've been thinking that I wish I had majored in something else.
Now, don't get me wrong. Journalism is an awesome field of study. And I've learned a lot that will be applicable no matter what career field I go into and blah blah blah. But I feel like just having a degree from a liberal arts college is enough. And I've been thinking that I don't want to go into journalism anymore, really. I mean, it'd be awesome to work for the Onion, but again, I feel like having a journalism degree doesn't necessarily make me all that much more prepared for that type of job.
I don't know. I just wish I had this carefree attitude that I have now when I originally came to Concordia. At this point, I'm pretty much whatever about where life takes me. I'm not concerned about the things I was concerned with as a freshman, like paying back debt and making money and whatever else. Now, I just want to experience everything I can, no holds barred.
And it would have been awesome not to be so bogged down with making sure that I graduate in four years and doing the most that I can like double majoring with a minor and ResLife and myriad other things I chose to do in order to boost my attractiveness to potential employers. Again, I'm not saying I necessarily regret the things I did in college. I've made a lot of amazing friends and experienced a plethora of things I wouldn't have otherwise and learned more about myself than I would have if I had just stayed in lame old Rochester.
But I was so blinded and jaded when I got here and I honestly feel that there was no one telling me that it'd be okay if I didn't graduate in four years or if I didn't major in something "practical" and that I should just focus on making these the best four years of my life.
I mean, whatever. I'd probably still be feeling this way no matter what I majored in. I'm just checking out and it's only January.
Now, don't get me wrong. Journalism is an awesome field of study. And I've learned a lot that will be applicable no matter what career field I go into and blah blah blah. But I feel like just having a degree from a liberal arts college is enough. And I've been thinking that I don't want to go into journalism anymore, really. I mean, it'd be awesome to work for the Onion, but again, I feel like having a journalism degree doesn't necessarily make me all that much more prepared for that type of job.
I don't know. I just wish I had this carefree attitude that I have now when I originally came to Concordia. At this point, I'm pretty much whatever about where life takes me. I'm not concerned about the things I was concerned with as a freshman, like paying back debt and making money and whatever else. Now, I just want to experience everything I can, no holds barred.
And it would have been awesome not to be so bogged down with making sure that I graduate in four years and doing the most that I can like double majoring with a minor and ResLife and myriad other things I chose to do in order to boost my attractiveness to potential employers. Again, I'm not saying I necessarily regret the things I did in college. I've made a lot of amazing friends and experienced a plethora of things I wouldn't have otherwise and learned more about myself than I would have if I had just stayed in lame old Rochester.
But I was so blinded and jaded when I got here and I honestly feel that there was no one telling me that it'd be okay if I didn't graduate in four years or if I didn't major in something "practical" and that I should just focus on making these the best four years of my life.
I mean, whatever. I'd probably still be feeling this way no matter what I majored in. I'm just checking out and it's only January.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Random life update!
My last semester as a college student started Monday. It's crazy to think that I'll be a graduate in less than four months. Seriously crazy.
But classes so far are good. I think I'm looking at a pretty decent last semester. I have one class MWF, two classes Tuesdays, and one Thursdays. I also have an independent study somewhere in there, but I'm not sure where yet. Hopefully I'll find out soon.
I'm still applying to various AmeriCorps agencies in hopes that I'll get to volunteer with them. I've broadened my scope too, so I'm also applying at Lutheran Volunteer Corps and Episcopal Service Corps. I have an interview on January 19 with an AmeriCorps agency, Federal Way Public Schools in Washington. I'm really hoping. I'm not too concerned about getting a "real" job before I graduate, but it'd be nice.
It was good to be home for a few weeks, too, before starting my last semester. My family is pretty awesome. My dad and I got tattoos and my mom and I got haircuts. Lots of fun stuff. My brother managed to make Christmas all about him since he's really just a 5-year-old trapped in a 31-year-old's body. It's disappointing, but Christmas was still great nonetheless.
I'm already feeling a little sleep deprived. Last night was a good night for sleeping, but Sunday and Monday nights weren't, and tonight won't be any better. I'm positive that once I get into the swing of things, I'll be able to really monopolize on the time I can sleep, so I'm not too worried. Plus, who needs sleep anyway?
One more thing. It's been a weird first three days without Jess. It's odd not seeing her in the Atrium every day multiple times. Today, I saw this girl who has the same or very similar coat to Jess and it made me miss her more. I'm also a tad worried that I may begin to sequester myself off into my room now that Jess is gone, since she was pretty much the only reason I hung out in the Atrium. I'm going to try to change that, though, because I enjoy all the people that hang out in the Atrium on a regular basis. I'll let you know how that turns out.
But classes so far are good. I think I'm looking at a pretty decent last semester. I have one class MWF, two classes Tuesdays, and one Thursdays. I also have an independent study somewhere in there, but I'm not sure where yet. Hopefully I'll find out soon.
I'm still applying to various AmeriCorps agencies in hopes that I'll get to volunteer with them. I've broadened my scope too, so I'm also applying at Lutheran Volunteer Corps and Episcopal Service Corps. I have an interview on January 19 with an AmeriCorps agency, Federal Way Public Schools in Washington. I'm really hoping. I'm not too concerned about getting a "real" job before I graduate, but it'd be nice.
It was good to be home for a few weeks, too, before starting my last semester. My family is pretty awesome. My dad and I got tattoos and my mom and I got haircuts. Lots of fun stuff. My brother managed to make Christmas all about him since he's really just a 5-year-old trapped in a 31-year-old's body. It's disappointing, but Christmas was still great nonetheless.
I'm already feeling a little sleep deprived. Last night was a good night for sleeping, but Sunday and Monday nights weren't, and tonight won't be any better. I'm positive that once I get into the swing of things, I'll be able to really monopolize on the time I can sleep, so I'm not too worried. Plus, who needs sleep anyway?
One more thing. It's been a weird first three days without Jess. It's odd not seeing her in the Atrium every day multiple times. Today, I saw this girl who has the same or very similar coat to Jess and it made me miss her more. I'm also a tad worried that I may begin to sequester myself off into my room now that Jess is gone, since she was pretty much the only reason I hung out in the Atrium. I'm going to try to change that, though, because I enjoy all the people that hang out in the Atrium on a regular basis. I'll let you know how that turns out.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Gay marriage: equal rights or assimilation?
I've been reading this book about queer strategies for resisting assimilation. And it's got me rethinking my stance on gay marriage.
I've always been pro-gay marriage. I mean, equal rights for all people, right? But really, is it equal rights when you break it down?
Let's think about it. Proponents for gay marriage want gay people to have the same rights provided through straight marriage, meaning shared healthcare benefits, relationship recognition by the state, etc. They believe that by achieving the right to marry their same-sex partner (or for others to marry this way), this will level the playing field for equality between straights and gays.
But is that really equality? It seems to me that by fighting for what straight people have and only what straight people have without adjusting it to fit the culture and lifestyle of the glbt community, we're only serving to do away with the things that make that community what it is. We shouldn't be fighting to be a part of the mainstream white, heterosexual norm. We should be rebelling against that while fighting for these attainable rights (universal healthcare, state-recognized relationship status, etc.) for everyone equally, married or not, gay or straight, black or white.
The fight for equal rights amongst queers has annihilated what the glbt fight originally stood for. Instead, gays and lesbians have become content assimilating to what America's heteronormative society deems as appropriate and mainstream. It also reduces the battle to only those with the means and privilege to gain access to these struggles, which typically means white, middle-class gays (and sometimes lesbians). This eliminates non-white, lower-class gays and lesbians, along with transgendered men and women.
I have more to say, but in my tired state-of-mind, I can't formulate my ideas coherently. If you're interested in reading more about this, you should check out the book That's Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore. It also discusses many other issues relevant to the queer community.
Sorry for the huge gap in blog posts, by the way. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things here and update more frequently. Next, I plan to discuss whether sexual orientation is a choice. This book, it's really got me thinking.
I've always been pro-gay marriage. I mean, equal rights for all people, right? But really, is it equal rights when you break it down?
Let's think about it. Proponents for gay marriage want gay people to have the same rights provided through straight marriage, meaning shared healthcare benefits, relationship recognition by the state, etc. They believe that by achieving the right to marry their same-sex partner (or for others to marry this way), this will level the playing field for equality between straights and gays.
But is that really equality? It seems to me that by fighting for what straight people have and only what straight people have without adjusting it to fit the culture and lifestyle of the glbt community, we're only serving to do away with the things that make that community what it is. We shouldn't be fighting to be a part of the mainstream white, heterosexual norm. We should be rebelling against that while fighting for these attainable rights (universal healthcare, state-recognized relationship status, etc.) for everyone equally, married or not, gay or straight, black or white.
The fight for equal rights amongst queers has annihilated what the glbt fight originally stood for. Instead, gays and lesbians have become content assimilating to what America's heteronormative society deems as appropriate and mainstream. It also reduces the battle to only those with the means and privilege to gain access to these struggles, which typically means white, middle-class gays (and sometimes lesbians). This eliminates non-white, lower-class gays and lesbians, along with transgendered men and women.
I have more to say, but in my tired state-of-mind, I can't formulate my ideas coherently. If you're interested in reading more about this, you should check out the book That's Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore. It also discusses many other issues relevant to the queer community.
Sorry for the huge gap in blog posts, by the way. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things here and update more frequently. Next, I plan to discuss whether sexual orientation is a choice. This book, it's really got me thinking.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Fam bam.
I have mixed feelings about my family. I love all of them, and for the most part, I like all of them, too.
I've been really excited for the last, like, two weeks about going home and seeing everyone since I haven't been home since mid-August. And I really enjoy spending time with my family.
Most of the time.
But then, something happened yesterday that changed that. Unfortunately.
Some days, I hate Facebook and the ability it provides for people to abruptly leave when you are talking with them.
For example, my brother FB'd me yesterday to see how my day was going. A nice gesture. Things switched to how his day was going, and he explained to me that his wife was in the ER for dehydration and that something was wrong with his phone and that one of their two vans was out of commission.
Wait. Let me back up a little. This may be too much information for some of you, but I don't mind sharing. My brother has two kids already and his new wife has two as well, bringing the grand total to four. They both agreed that they didn't want any more children since they could hardly support the kids they have and it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved. As a result, my bro took the initiative to get a vasectomy. Go him. However, something went wrong and somehow April (his wife) got pregnant. No one in my family thinks it's a good idea for her to carry to term.
So when I heard that she was in the hospital for dehydration, I cautiously asked if she was still pregnant. My bro replied that she was, as far as they knew, unless she was miscarrying. Being the person that I am, I then asked if they were going to carry to term, assuming April wasn't miscarrying.
This is where trouble begins.
He replied that he couldn't think of any other option. My response? "I can think of one."
Trouble.
I gave him what I think is a valid explanation for why they should. But he obviously didn't want to discuss it because he signed off Facebook instead.
I mean, I get it. If I weren't me, I'd probably get upset if someone suggested that to me. But I don't think my bro handled it right. I sent him a text shortly after to make sure he wasn't upset, but he didn't answer. I sent him a FB message, too. And still nothing.
But he has mentioned it to my ma. Which, whatever. I almost expect it. My bro (along with the rest of my family sans DeeAnn who is my sister-in-law) is non-confrontational. So I don't honestly expect him to come to me with problems he has with me, but still. I wish he would.
And this also bothers me in another way. Instead of supporting me and what I told my brother, my ma just ignored his comment. I mean, come on. Why doesn't my brother learn? Because I'm the only one actively attempting to change his way of thinking and behaving.
I just wish I had someone in my family who would back me. Or who would encourage my brother to come to me instead of ranting to everyone.
I guess I'm being slightly hypocritical posting this, but I've tried to contact him with no results. I'm tempted to call him tomorrow to see if we can't talk this out, but I have a feeling he'd ignore me.
Bah.
Family. Gotta love 'em, right?
I've been really excited for the last, like, two weeks about going home and seeing everyone since I haven't been home since mid-August. And I really enjoy spending time with my family.
Most of the time.
But then, something happened yesterday that changed that. Unfortunately.
Some days, I hate Facebook and the ability it provides for people to abruptly leave when you are talking with them.
For example, my brother FB'd me yesterday to see how my day was going. A nice gesture. Things switched to how his day was going, and he explained to me that his wife was in the ER for dehydration and that something was wrong with his phone and that one of their two vans was out of commission.
Wait. Let me back up a little. This may be too much information for some of you, but I don't mind sharing. My brother has two kids already and his new wife has two as well, bringing the grand total to four. They both agreed that they didn't want any more children since they could hardly support the kids they have and it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved. As a result, my bro took the initiative to get a vasectomy. Go him. However, something went wrong and somehow April (his wife) got pregnant. No one in my family thinks it's a good idea for her to carry to term.
So when I heard that she was in the hospital for dehydration, I cautiously asked if she was still pregnant. My bro replied that she was, as far as they knew, unless she was miscarrying. Being the person that I am, I then asked if they were going to carry to term, assuming April wasn't miscarrying.
This is where trouble begins.
He replied that he couldn't think of any other option. My response? "I can think of one."
Trouble.
I gave him what I think is a valid explanation for why they should. But he obviously didn't want to discuss it because he signed off Facebook instead.
I mean, I get it. If I weren't me, I'd probably get upset if someone suggested that to me. But I don't think my bro handled it right. I sent him a text shortly after to make sure he wasn't upset, but he didn't answer. I sent him a FB message, too. And still nothing.
But he has mentioned it to my ma. Which, whatever. I almost expect it. My bro (along with the rest of my family sans DeeAnn who is my sister-in-law) is non-confrontational. So I don't honestly expect him to come to me with problems he has with me, but still. I wish he would.
And this also bothers me in another way. Instead of supporting me and what I told my brother, my ma just ignored his comment. I mean, come on. Why doesn't my brother learn? Because I'm the only one actively attempting to change his way of thinking and behaving.
I just wish I had someone in my family who would back me. Or who would encourage my brother to come to me instead of ranting to everyone.
I guess I'm being slightly hypocritical posting this, but I've tried to contact him with no results. I'm tempted to call him tomorrow to see if we can't talk this out, but I have a feeling he'd ignore me.
Bah.
Family. Gotta love 'em, right?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Smile.
Sorry for the long hiatus again. There really is no reason for it. I'm just lazy. My sincerest apologies.
Alright, for this post, I want to post some lyrics. Hopefully, you're familiar with this song. Maybe you won't be. But the lyrics to the chorus (as well as the rest of the song) are amazing. And with Eyedea recently passing away, these lyrics speak volumes.
Now/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/
I really like the message behind these lyrics. It's applicable to life these days, what with everyone I love leaving? Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But some days, it feels that way. However, I'm going to stay strong and stay positive. I'll still be able to talk with Jess and Jordan, and all my friends here will still be there for me.
I just have to think about each day as it comes. I'm trying hard not to live in the future nowadays, but it's becoming increasingly complicated. I'm just ready to get out and be done. I know, I know. I should cherish these last few months of my senior year. Soon, I'll have to be an adult in the big, bad, real world. What a joke. If you haven't already been an adult before now, I worry for you very much.
Anyways, this is another rambly post.
Take away message: Enjoy what you have when you have it.
Alright, for this post, I want to post some lyrics. Hopefully, you're familiar with this song. Maybe you won't be. But the lyrics to the chorus (as well as the rest of the song) are amazing. And with Eyedea recently passing away, these lyrics speak volumes.
Now/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/
I really like the message behind these lyrics. It's applicable to life these days, what with everyone I love leaving? Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But some days, it feels that way. However, I'm going to stay strong and stay positive. I'll still be able to talk with Jess and Jordan, and all my friends here will still be there for me.
I just have to think about each day as it comes. I'm trying hard not to live in the future nowadays, but it's becoming increasingly complicated. I'm just ready to get out and be done. I know, I know. I should cherish these last few months of my senior year. Soon, I'll have to be an adult in the big, bad, real world. What a joke. If you haven't already been an adult before now, I worry for you very much.
Anyways, this is another rambly post.
Take away message: Enjoy what you have when you have it.
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