Gay marriage: equal rights or assimilation?

I've been reading this book about queer strategies for resisting assimilation. And it's got me rethinking my stance on gay marriage.

I've always been pro-gay marriage. I mean, equal rights for all people, right? But really, is it equal rights when you break it down?

Let's think about it. Proponents for gay marriage want gay people to have the same rights provided through straight marriage, meaning shared healthcare benefits, relationship recognition by the state, etc. They believe that by achieving the right to marry their same-sex partner (or for others to marry this way), this will level the playing field for equality between straights and gays.

But is that really equality? It seems to me that by fighting for what straight people have and only what straight people have without adjusting it to fit the culture and lifestyle of the glbt community, we're only serving to do away with the things that make that community what it is. We shouldn't be fighting to be a part of the mainstream white, heterosexual norm. We should be rebelling against that while fighting for these attainable rights (universal healthcare, state-recognized relationship status, etc.) for everyone equally, married or not, gay or straight, black or white.

The fight for equal rights amongst queers has annihilated what the glbt fight originally stood for. Instead, gays and lesbians have become content assimilating to what America's heteronormative society deems as appropriate and mainstream. It also reduces the battle to only those with the means and privilege to gain access to these struggles, which typically means white, middle-class gays (and sometimes lesbians). This eliminates non-white, lower-class gays and lesbians, along with transgendered men and women.

I have more to say, but in my tired state-of-mind, I can't formulate my ideas coherently. If you're interested in reading more about this, you should check out the book That's Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore. It also discusses many other issues relevant to the queer community.

Sorry for the huge gap in blog posts, by the way. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things here and update more frequently. Next, I plan to discuss whether sexual orientation is a choice. This book, it's really got me thinking.

Fam bam.

I have mixed feelings about my family. I love all of them, and for the most part, I like all of them, too.

I've been really excited for the last, like, two weeks about going home and seeing everyone since I haven't been home since mid-August. And I really enjoy spending time with my family.

Most of the time.

But then, something happened yesterday that changed that. Unfortunately.

Some days, I hate Facebook and the ability it provides for people to abruptly leave when you are talking with them.

For example, my brother FB'd me yesterday to see how my day was going. A nice gesture. Things switched to how his day was going, and he explained to me that his wife was in the ER for dehydration and that something was wrong with his phone and that one of their two vans was out of commission.

Wait. Let me back up a little. This may be too much information for some of you, but I don't mind sharing. My brother has two kids already and his new wife has two as well, bringing the grand total to four. They both agreed that they didn't want any more children since they could hardly support the kids they have and it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved. As a result, my bro took the initiative to get a vasectomy. Go him. However, something went wrong and somehow April (his wife) got pregnant. No one in my family thinks it's a good idea for her to carry to term.

So when I heard that she was in the hospital for dehydration, I cautiously asked if she was still pregnant. My bro replied that she was, as far as they knew, unless she was miscarrying. Being the person that I am, I then asked if they were going to carry to term, assuming April wasn't miscarrying.

This is where trouble begins.

He replied that he couldn't think of any other option. My response? "I can think of one."

Trouble.

I gave him what I think is a valid explanation for why they should. But he obviously didn't want to discuss it because he signed off Facebook instead.

I mean, I get it. If I weren't me, I'd probably get upset if someone suggested that to me. But I don't think my bro handled it right. I sent him a text shortly after to make sure he wasn't upset, but he didn't answer. I sent him a FB message, too. And still nothing.

But he has mentioned it to my ma. Which, whatever. I almost expect it. My bro (along with the rest of my family sans DeeAnn who is my sister-in-law) is non-confrontational. So I don't honestly expect him to come to me with problems he has with me, but still. I wish he would.

And this also bothers me in another way. Instead of supporting me and what I told my brother, my ma just ignored his comment. I mean, come on. Why doesn't my brother learn? Because I'm the only one actively attempting to change his way of thinking and behaving.

I just wish I had someone in my family who would back me. Or who would encourage my brother to come to me instead of ranting to everyone.

I guess I'm being slightly hypocritical posting this, but I've tried to contact him with no results. I'm tempted to call him tomorrow to see if we can't talk this out, but I have a feeling he'd ignore me.

Bah.

Family. Gotta love 'em, right?

Smile.

Sorry for the long hiatus again. There really is no reason for it. I'm just lazy. My sincerest apologies.

Alright, for this post, I want to post some lyrics. Hopefully, you're familiar with this song. Maybe you won't be. But the lyrics to the chorus (as well as the rest of the song) are amazing. And with Eyedea recently passing away, these lyrics speak volumes.

Now/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/


I really like the message behind these lyrics. It's applicable to life these days, what with everyone I love leaving? Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But some days, it feels that way. However, I'm going to stay strong and stay positive. I'll still be able to talk with Jess and Jordan, and all my friends here will still be there for me. 


I just have to think about each day as it comes. I'm trying hard not to live in the future nowadays, but it's becoming increasingly complicated. I'm just ready to get out and be done. I know, I know. I should cherish these last few months of my senior year. Soon, I'll have to be an adult in the big, bad, real world. What a joke. If you haven't already been an adult before now, I worry for you very much. 


Anyways, this is another rambly post. 


Take away message: Enjoy what you have when you have it. 

An update of sorts.

So I somehow don't have time to update this blog, although it's not as though my life is that busy. Finals are coming, but compared to pretty much the entire campus, I have it easy. One paper, one take-home final and a test. Easy, right? But somehow I still don't have time to take twenty minutes to type in something here. I'm ridiculous.

Anyways. Life is relatively good. I'm content.

However, the semester is winding down, and with that comes graduation. I'm really not happy for that. For several reasons.

First, Jordan is leaving me at the end of the semester for Spain. He is one of my absolute best friends. I already see him way less often than I should, and once the semester ends, I probably won't see him again before I graduate and move home/away. I know there's always Skype, but it's not the same. I hate it. I hate that I'm losing one of my best friends. He is one of two people at school that I consider my soulmate, for a lack of a better term. He is that person that I can tell anything to and I know he won't judge me. It absolutely kills me that he is leaving.

Second, Jess is leaving me, too. It's good for her, since she's graduating and starting her life in the real world as an adult at a real job. But it friggin' sucks for me. Jess is my other half. Regardless of everything we've been through this past year or so, she is more than my soulmate. She is my complete, no-holds-barred best friend and I'd do anything for her. After the bullshit I put her through last year while I was trying to figure myself out, she still took me back. She is the strongest person I know, and I wish I could be half as good a person as she is.

On a random, somewhat related tangent, this last year has been the biggest growing experience for me. I lost what I thought was my "One," I lost my best friend, I lost myself, but through all of that, I found out who I am and who I want to be, I regained my best friend, and I've come out the other side alive and more comfortable with myself than I've ever been. Even though it's been rough, I'm grateful for all of my experiences, even though many of them were at the expense of others.

Anyways, this is getting to be too... rambling. I don't want this semester to end because I don't want to lose my two best friends. I'm excited for next semester and to be finished with life as a college kid, but I don't want that at the cost of not being able to see Jess in the Atrium and walk her to class even though it's totally out of my way or to spend hours at Perkins with Jordan where he sprays himself with half and half.

I can't do it.

I don't want to do it.

Bitch and moan.

I feel like this blog is almost turning into a daily rantfest for me. I don't know how I feel about that just yet.

Anyways, today is gonna be a rant entry. Sorry, folks! It's also going to be another tool of procrastination. I know, I'm updating my blog to procrastinate homework. On a Friday night. Ah, the perks of being on ResLife.

It's also odd that my complaints generally center on Facebook. Maybe I should get away from that. But not today!

Today's rant is about Facebook status updates and this new trend of writing a mock letter to some inanimate object that has wronged us in some way. For example [and this isn't a good one but it was the first one I found]:

Dear weather, I've been impressed...now let's try to work on thos craptastic drivers.

Originally, I found these posts to be cute. I mean, writing a note to something that obviously can't read your status about something that obviously can't be changed is cute, right? But now, everyone and their mom is doing it. And it's obnoxious.

I've also realized that it's just super passive-aggressive. Granted, most of these are directed at unattainable things, but still. They just irk me.

I guess this is being passive-aggressive, though. So maybe I should stop being a hypocrite? Huh. Who knows.

 

Ovum donation.

Despite my desire to never have children of my own, I've decided to apply to be an egg donor so that couples who do want children (I'm hoping gay couples) can feel fulfilled through the use of my goods.

So anyways. I've been working on filling this application out. It's pretty intense. Like, 30 pages of personal and family history, a bunch of pictures, photocopies of my passport, birth certificate, social security card, all that jazz. It's given me a chance to find out more about my family than I thought I knew.

It's an interesting concept, though. Donating eggs. Well, I guess it's not really donating. It's more like selling eggs. Not only is it selling, but it's seriously profiting off of it. Part of me feels as though this is going against feminist ideals. I mean, it is tantamount to selling one's body.

I guess it just depends on what you think of these things. Like, prostitution. As someone who is on the side of decriminalizing prostitution and allowing women to do what they want with their bodies, egg donation (or selling) falls in line with that ideology. Right? It makes sense to me. This is rambling. I guess I'm just thinking out loud.

It's just an interesting juxtaposition. Women can sell their eggs for thousands of dollars, while men can sell their sperm for not nearly as much, but on the flip side, men can be sterilized for maybe a hundred dollars, while women have to pay hundreds to thousands of dollars for a similar procedure. Maybe it all evens out in the end? I'm not sure.

Reproductive justice. Sometimes it seems like such an oxymoron. At least for women.

What does "feminism" mean to you?

I hate this question.

Alright. Hate is a strong word. Perhaps I don't hate it. I just don't understand it.

Defining something like feminism seems to detract from the purpose of it. And defining it generally narrows the scope of the word. Maybe that's the point. For example, in my lit class, we were reading this book Fight Like a Girl: How to be a Fearless Feminist and the discussion ended up centering on what feminism is exactly. Feminism to me is an all-encompassing term. It's not just about equal rights for women (although that is a huge component). It's about equal rights for everybody regardless of class, sex, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, etc.

According to my professor (and others in the class), I'm wrong. What I've just defined is egalitarianism. Maybe that's true. But why does feminism have to be such a limiting word? Why can't it be the fight for equal rights for all? And really, why do we need to define everything?

Defining terms like feminist or liberal or conservative, whatever word you want to choose, only serves to alienate people. Why doesn't everyone who wants equal rights for women (or for all) call themselves a feminist? Because the word has taken on this other, more intense meaning. And it's hard to reclaim it when so-called feminists are fighting about the definition of a word instead of fighting for the purpose of the word.

Again, maybe I'm in the wrong here. But I'm just missing the point. Or maybe this is just my further rejection of labels and boxes for everything. I'm not sure. But I am sure that I hated the discussions in class about feminism and I'm glad to be done with this book. (Sorry, Megan Seely.)

A short hiatus.

It's break time. I get so lazy during these times. It's a wonder I even get out of bed...


Anyways, I was just creeping on Facebook, and someone's status said this: 


‎"People can't hurt you unless you let them." Do you agree or disagree with that statement and why?


This is like an essay prompt, right? Well, it piqued my interest, so I thought, "Hey! This could totally be a blog post topic, and since I fail at staying on top of that over weekends/breaks, it would be perfect!"


So. Here I am. 


And here's what I think! Shocker, huh?


Well, first, it depends on what context this is taken in: physically or emotionally (there are other contexts, I'm sure, but for the purposes of this blog, I'm sticking to these two). Let's take it piece by piece.


If one asks, "Is it possible for someone to physically hurt you without you letting them?" The answer is clearly, "Yes." To take away your bodily autonomy, an assailant doesn't need your permission to do so. They will do what they want regardless of your say in the matter. Someone might respond with something like, "That's why you keep away from bad people." Well, to that I say, you can't always know if someone is bad until it's too late. And if you're nonchalantly walking down the street, you may not always suspect that average streetwalker to be a bad person. There are not-so-good people in all walks of life, and to avoid all of them would mean becoming a hermit, which isn't a realistic alternative.


Now, if you take this as emotionally hurt, that's a whole 'nother story. In this context, the original prompt rings true. People can't emotionally hurt you unless you let them in and give them ability to have a stake in your feelings. You have to care about what another person says or does in order for it to influence your emotional state in any way. Sometimes, I think people forget that they have complete control over their emotions and instead let the tiniest of things get under their skin. Or perhaps I expect everyone to have skin as tough as mine. That could be my malfunction. Meh.


It just seems to me that life is way too short to let every negative comment or action from every single person in the world to have any effect over how we feel. Why let what anyone says affect you? Perhaps I'm again judging everyone harshly because I don't let what people say affect me and I expect the same in everyone, but life would be so much better if we could just maintain positivity all the time and not let one jerk in our day ruin it all. 


Positive thinking. That's what's missing these days. 

Atmospheric water vapor frozen into ice crystals and falling in light white flakes or lying on the ground as a white layer

In case you couldn't decipher the title, SNOW!

It snowed today. A crazy amount. I've been dreading this day for months.

And now that it's here, I'm stoked! It's so pretty outside. The snow is all white and fluffy. I just want to roll around in it.

But then I remember it's cold and it'd be better if I just stayed inside and admired it from afar.

I love the random mix of comments people have about snow. For the most part, today has been filled with negative comments, mostly to the tune of "How am I gonna get home in this? The roads are gonna be sooo bad!" which is a legit response. If I were headed anywhere for Thanksgiving, I'd probably be on board with the whiners.

However, I am not! I get to stay in Fargo-Moorhead and enjoy the beautiful snow while relaxing in my dorm room. I don't have to worry about getting to Rochester and back, or about the roads, or anything. It's going to be great.

And Lacey (the Brown HD/good friend o' mine) invited me over for a non-traditional Thanksgiving meal. I think it's going to be Thai food, if I remember correctly. While I'm slightly disappointed I won't get turkey and stuffing and potatoes, I'm really excited to experience a brand-new Thanksgiving like I've never had before.

This is going to be one epic break.

If only today were Wednesday...

On being authentic on the interwebs.

I just read my friend Amanda "Chett" Matchett's blog about being authentic [here's the link if you'd like to check it out for yourself: http://chett.wordpress.com/2010/11/20/be-authentic-online-especially-on-facebook/] and I'd like to respond to it. So perhaps you should check it out so you know what I'm rambling on about.

I totally agree with what Chett is saying, about the homogenizing that goes on for potential applicants in real world situations. I'd be a hypocrite to say I'm not conforming in some ways by starting this blog and guaranteeing there's nothing incriminating for potential future employers to find about me on the interwebs. It's something that is ingrained in us through the fear-mongering of the people in Career Centers and positions of authority in our lives: if there is something on Facebook or anywhere else online that you wouldn't want your grandma/mom/whoever to see, it's probably something you wouldn't want an employer to see either.

It is important to retain your individuality in a world of complex chaos, but it's hard to stand your ground when the possibility of employment hangs in the balance. But I would say that pictures of drunk debauchery don't exactly scream individuality either. It's critical to stay true to yourself even in the face of scary employers, but there are other ways to go about doing that.

And it's especially intimidating to do so when everyone with any authority on the matter is saying the complete opposite and those in the position to give you a job or not are all looking for the same cookie-cutter image.

But Chett brings up another valid point: If you modify yourself to get a job, then that job is probably not one that's going to be satisfying. If they don't want you for who you are, then that company is probably not one you'd want to work for in the long run anyway.

So to end, I leave you with the existential words of Slug: Stay gold, Pony Boy. Stay true, outspoken.

I lied.

Alright. So I may have fibbed a little when I said this blog was going to be about music. I'm too random for this to be themed. Or maybe I just need to do two entries a day. Perhaps that will be the remedy! One random entry and one song-of-the-day entry. Hm. I need to think on this.

Anyways. In addition to starting a blog, I've decided to reactivate my Twitter account, (@lauramingalls, for those so inclined) as well as join foursquare and update my LinkedIn account. I'm not exactly sure what brought on this sudden interest in social media, but I think it's for the best. This way, I'm everywhere and I'm up-to-date on the goings-on in the interwebs world. At least, I hope that's what it means.

It's a very strange sensation for me to be so connected to so many things. Generally, this doesn't stick. I get bored and lazy on updating all of these different sites. However, I'm realizing how important social networking is as a tool for life, so I really need to motivate myself to stay on top of these things and let the world know what I'm doing at all times.

Are any of you bombarding yourselves with myriad social networking?

And the winner is...

Sorry for the delay. I get lazy when I don't have much to do, and Wednesdays are pretty lax.

However, I have chosen the first winner! Although, it's not one song. It's a group. And the main reason this group wins is because I just heard about them and they are amazing!

Girl Talk

Have you taken a listen? They are truly fantastic. The best part is that all of their albums are available for free download. I downloaded all four albums and I can't stop listening. The mash-ups are spectacular. Everything from old rap to Miley Cyrus is sampled, and the combinations are just wonderful. Sometimes, the songs chosen are complete opposites, but somehow, it still works.

This is totally music to make you get hyped. It's full of energy and interesting samplings. Also, the songs are relatively short. For example, the first album I downloaded, All Day, was a total of one hour and eleven minutes (plus some seconds). It's just quick, easy listening.

Interested?

Check out http://www.illegal-art.net/ for all your Girl Talk needs as well as to check out other awesome music for free!

Starting fresh.

I've decided I want to do a more themed blog. So, starting tomorrow, I'll be picking a song I enjoy and sharing it with you and exactly what I enjoy about it. This sounds good to me.

Thoughts?

Persuasion. Propaganda. Hitler.

Today, in my communications class, we discussed propaganda. Well, the professor lectured on propaganda and there was some illustrative examples employed. I enjoy learning about propaganda, as it is probably the most persuasive tool used in our world. I mean, everyone uses it. Politicians, celebrities, professors, parents, friends. Everyone.

So anyways. The professor was talking, and to illustrate a point, she used an anecdote about her IOC class from earlier in the day. I can't remember what tactic we were learning about when she told us this story, but that's not really that important anyway. What's important is what she said and the discussion that followed.

Here's what happened:

In her IOC class, one of the freshmen gave a speech on Hitler and how Hitler was a good person/leader. When the professor originally introduced this story, she began by saying, "A student in my IOC class..." Before she finished her entire sentence, she edited herself and restarted, saying "A female student in my IOC class..." and continued on.

Now, I know I'm very feminist-y and I nitpick the words people use and statements they make. But I just want to know how the gender of this student was pertinent to the story. I mean, the story was about a student who gave a speech praising Hitler and all the supposed good he did. Does it really matter if it was a female or male student? Would it have made it somehow more acceptable if it had been a male student? I'm confused.

However, this wasn't the only part of this discussion I was confused about. The discussion quickly turned to "reporting" this girl for her speech and her support of Hitler. Apparently, if you agree with Hitler at all, the next step is shooting up a school. A student in class announced that she didn't want "another Virginia Tech" to happen, since those two men supported Hitler and obviously that's the only criterion necessary to become a school-shooter. Seriously, what kind of backwards logic is that?

The whole discussion was just asinine. I mean, it is somewhat shocking that someone at Concordia would have those beliefs, but the rest of the discussion was ridiculous and I can't believe the thought processes of some people.

Just baffling.

Google is scary.

So you know how you're always being told to be careful what you post on Facebook or Twitter or wherever because a potential employer only has to do a quick Google search and they can uncover all this stuff about you that you wouldn't want them to see?

Well, I don't think there's anything inappropriate out there for employers to find about me, but I decided to Google myself anyways to see what I could find. It's hard to search for "Laura Ingalls" and find anything that's not related to Laura Ingalls Wilder, even if you narrow the scope to Rochester, MN, or Moorhead, MN, since that's still Wilder territory.

However, I was able to find two things that related back to me. Or so I thought. One was my now defunct Twitter account (maewilder for those of you really interested in what I was tweeting about). And the other was this creepy profile on this MyLife.com site.

When I first saw the little summary on Google about this profile, I was like, "That's totally me! That's my mom and my sister and my uncle. But wait. I'm not 24." So I clicked on the link that brought me to this odd website, and tried to view this profile more closely. The website wanted me to create a user account, so I did. But that didn't get me very far, because of course, this website also wanted me to pay for an upgraded account. I tried to use the limited access account I received for free, but I couldn't get any further.

I'm still super creeped out about this profile. There was even a picture, but it wasn't me. And a phone number, but it wasn't even close to my phone number. I guess there is a remote possibility that there's another Laura M. Ingalls out there from Rochester who happened to move to Moorhead whose mother's name is Crystal and whose sister's name is Virginia and whose uncle's name is Randy, but really? That's a very, very slim possibility.

I mean, it shouldn't really bother me that much since it's not affecting me and it doesn't look as though there's any harmful information included there, but it just weirds me out nonetheless.


I guess I shouldn't go looking for things I don't want to find, right?

Bicycling, FTW!

This is awesome. I never knew about this! Pretty interesting that bicycling helped pave the way for women's apparel to improve.

Bicycling, FTW!

Veteran's Day

Alright. Let me begin this with a few words so those reading don't think I hate veterans or something. I'm all in favor of honoring those who are fighting or did fight for our country, regardless of my politics on the subject.

That being said, this shouldn't be a holiday on the calendar that we can say we celebrated because we posted Facebook statuses thanking veterans for all they've done. This is a cop-out and it's trivializing something of critical importance. Even worse is that, within these Facebook updates, we're thanking veterans for asinine things.

"The cost of freedom is never free. To all the men and women that have served, and are currently serving, thank you! It is because of you that I can be on Facebook today :)" 

Okay. So besides the obvious issue that this is a status on Facebook, I only take issue with the last third of this update. Seriously. You're thanking veterans for your ability to be on Facebook? I mean, I get it. There are places in our world today where this isn't possible, where liberties are curtailed in egregious ways. 

HOWEVER. That doesn't mean we should be reducing the plethora of sacrifices that the men and women who risk their lives for our country are making day in and day out. It's antithetical to what this holiday is supposed to be about. Thanking veterans for the putting their lives on the line. 

Really, this should be a daily occurrence. This is similar to my views on Valentine's Day or Mother's/Father's Day. These are things we should be doing each and every day. Telling those we love that we value them. Letting our parents know we value all they've done for us. We shouldn't need some date on the calendar to remind us of the importance of veterans, loved ones, parents. 

With this, I implore you to call home if you can, or email a friend, or thank a veteran, for the impact that that person has made on your life thus far. It may not be that time of year according to the calendar, but it should be everyday.  

Step one: Write your first entry

So I've decided to start writing a blog. I'm not so sure that I have anything of importance to contribute to the interwebs, but here I am nonetheless.

I went to a vocation dinner sponsored by the English department, and the woman who came [I forget her name, Shyla perhaps. She is a technical writer for Microsoft in Fargo] said that it would probably be a good idea for writers to have blogs as a way to have something to point at and say, "Hey, look! I have writing samples in the real world. Hire me!" Hopefully it works. I'm a little skeptical, but I figure there's no harm in trying.

Plus, it's another way to procrastinate homework, so why not?

Anyways, I'm not so sure what I'll be writing here. Probably the random ramblings of my mind. But some people have provided me with some options via Facebook, so I might just start there and see where I end up.

Wish me luck!