Gay marriage: equal rights or assimilation?

I've been reading this book about queer strategies for resisting assimilation. And it's got me rethinking my stance on gay marriage.

I've always been pro-gay marriage. I mean, equal rights for all people, right? But really, is it equal rights when you break it down?

Let's think about it. Proponents for gay marriage want gay people to have the same rights provided through straight marriage, meaning shared healthcare benefits, relationship recognition by the state, etc. They believe that by achieving the right to marry their same-sex partner (or for others to marry this way), this will level the playing field for equality between straights and gays.

But is that really equality? It seems to me that by fighting for what straight people have and only what straight people have without adjusting it to fit the culture and lifestyle of the glbt community, we're only serving to do away with the things that make that community what it is. We shouldn't be fighting to be a part of the mainstream white, heterosexual norm. We should be rebelling against that while fighting for these attainable rights (universal healthcare, state-recognized relationship status, etc.) for everyone equally, married or not, gay or straight, black or white.

The fight for equal rights amongst queers has annihilated what the glbt fight originally stood for. Instead, gays and lesbians have become content assimilating to what America's heteronormative society deems as appropriate and mainstream. It also reduces the battle to only those with the means and privilege to gain access to these struggles, which typically means white, middle-class gays (and sometimes lesbians). This eliminates non-white, lower-class gays and lesbians, along with transgendered men and women.

I have more to say, but in my tired state-of-mind, I can't formulate my ideas coherently. If you're interested in reading more about this, you should check out the book That's Revolting!: Queer Strategies for Resisting Assimilation by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore. It also discusses many other issues relevant to the queer community.

Sorry for the huge gap in blog posts, by the way. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things here and update more frequently. Next, I plan to discuss whether sexual orientation is a choice. This book, it's really got me thinking.

Fam bam.

I have mixed feelings about my family. I love all of them, and for the most part, I like all of them, too.

I've been really excited for the last, like, two weeks about going home and seeing everyone since I haven't been home since mid-August. And I really enjoy spending time with my family.

Most of the time.

But then, something happened yesterday that changed that. Unfortunately.

Some days, I hate Facebook and the ability it provides for people to abruptly leave when you are talking with them.

For example, my brother FB'd me yesterday to see how my day was going. A nice gesture. Things switched to how his day was going, and he explained to me that his wife was in the ER for dehydration and that something was wrong with his phone and that one of their two vans was out of commission.

Wait. Let me back up a little. This may be too much information for some of you, but I don't mind sharing. My brother has two kids already and his new wife has two as well, bringing the grand total to four. They both agreed that they didn't want any more children since they could hardly support the kids they have and it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved. As a result, my bro took the initiative to get a vasectomy. Go him. However, something went wrong and somehow April (his wife) got pregnant. No one in my family thinks it's a good idea for her to carry to term.

So when I heard that she was in the hospital for dehydration, I cautiously asked if she was still pregnant. My bro replied that she was, as far as they knew, unless she was miscarrying. Being the person that I am, I then asked if they were going to carry to term, assuming April wasn't miscarrying.

This is where trouble begins.

He replied that he couldn't think of any other option. My response? "I can think of one."

Trouble.

I gave him what I think is a valid explanation for why they should. But he obviously didn't want to discuss it because he signed off Facebook instead.

I mean, I get it. If I weren't me, I'd probably get upset if someone suggested that to me. But I don't think my bro handled it right. I sent him a text shortly after to make sure he wasn't upset, but he didn't answer. I sent him a FB message, too. And still nothing.

But he has mentioned it to my ma. Which, whatever. I almost expect it. My bro (along with the rest of my family sans DeeAnn who is my sister-in-law) is non-confrontational. So I don't honestly expect him to come to me with problems he has with me, but still. I wish he would.

And this also bothers me in another way. Instead of supporting me and what I told my brother, my ma just ignored his comment. I mean, come on. Why doesn't my brother learn? Because I'm the only one actively attempting to change his way of thinking and behaving.

I just wish I had someone in my family who would back me. Or who would encourage my brother to come to me instead of ranting to everyone.

I guess I'm being slightly hypocritical posting this, but I've tried to contact him with no results. I'm tempted to call him tomorrow to see if we can't talk this out, but I have a feeling he'd ignore me.

Bah.

Family. Gotta love 'em, right?

Smile.

Sorry for the long hiatus again. There really is no reason for it. I'm just lazy. My sincerest apologies.

Alright, for this post, I want to post some lyrics. Hopefully, you're familiar with this song. Maybe you won't be. But the lyrics to the chorus (as well as the rest of the song) are amazing. And with Eyedea recently passing away, these lyrics speak volumes.

Now/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/
I can only build if I tear the walls down/
Even if it breaks me I won’t let it make me frown/
I’m falling but no matter how hard I hit the ground/
I’ll still smile/


I really like the message behind these lyrics. It's applicable to life these days, what with everyone I love leaving? Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But some days, it feels that way. However, I'm going to stay strong and stay positive. I'll still be able to talk with Jess and Jordan, and all my friends here will still be there for me. 


I just have to think about each day as it comes. I'm trying hard not to live in the future nowadays, but it's becoming increasingly complicated. I'm just ready to get out and be done. I know, I know. I should cherish these last few months of my senior year. Soon, I'll have to be an adult in the big, bad, real world. What a joke. If you haven't already been an adult before now, I worry for you very much. 


Anyways, this is another rambly post. 


Take away message: Enjoy what you have when you have it. 

An update of sorts.

So I somehow don't have time to update this blog, although it's not as though my life is that busy. Finals are coming, but compared to pretty much the entire campus, I have it easy. One paper, one take-home final and a test. Easy, right? But somehow I still don't have time to take twenty minutes to type in something here. I'm ridiculous.

Anyways. Life is relatively good. I'm content.

However, the semester is winding down, and with that comes graduation. I'm really not happy for that. For several reasons.

First, Jordan is leaving me at the end of the semester for Spain. He is one of my absolute best friends. I already see him way less often than I should, and once the semester ends, I probably won't see him again before I graduate and move home/away. I know there's always Skype, but it's not the same. I hate it. I hate that I'm losing one of my best friends. He is one of two people at school that I consider my soulmate, for a lack of a better term. He is that person that I can tell anything to and I know he won't judge me. It absolutely kills me that he is leaving.

Second, Jess is leaving me, too. It's good for her, since she's graduating and starting her life in the real world as an adult at a real job. But it friggin' sucks for me. Jess is my other half. Regardless of everything we've been through this past year or so, she is more than my soulmate. She is my complete, no-holds-barred best friend and I'd do anything for her. After the bullshit I put her through last year while I was trying to figure myself out, she still took me back. She is the strongest person I know, and I wish I could be half as good a person as she is.

On a random, somewhat related tangent, this last year has been the biggest growing experience for me. I lost what I thought was my "One," I lost my best friend, I lost myself, but through all of that, I found out who I am and who I want to be, I regained my best friend, and I've come out the other side alive and more comfortable with myself than I've ever been. Even though it's been rough, I'm grateful for all of my experiences, even though many of them were at the expense of others.

Anyways, this is getting to be too... rambling. I don't want this semester to end because I don't want to lose my two best friends. I'm excited for next semester and to be finished with life as a college kid, but I don't want that at the cost of not being able to see Jess in the Atrium and walk her to class even though it's totally out of my way or to spend hours at Perkins with Jordan where he sprays himself with half and half.

I can't do it.

I don't want to do it.

Bitch and moan.

I feel like this blog is almost turning into a daily rantfest for me. I don't know how I feel about that just yet.

Anyways, today is gonna be a rant entry. Sorry, folks! It's also going to be another tool of procrastination. I know, I'm updating my blog to procrastinate homework. On a Friday night. Ah, the perks of being on ResLife.

It's also odd that my complaints generally center on Facebook. Maybe I should get away from that. But not today!

Today's rant is about Facebook status updates and this new trend of writing a mock letter to some inanimate object that has wronged us in some way. For example [and this isn't a good one but it was the first one I found]:

Dear weather, I've been impressed...now let's try to work on thos craptastic drivers.

Originally, I found these posts to be cute. I mean, writing a note to something that obviously can't read your status about something that obviously can't be changed is cute, right? But now, everyone and their mom is doing it. And it's obnoxious.

I've also realized that it's just super passive-aggressive. Granted, most of these are directed at unattainable things, but still. They just irk me.

I guess this is being passive-aggressive, though. So maybe I should stop being a hypocrite? Huh. Who knows.

 

Ovum donation.

Despite my desire to never have children of my own, I've decided to apply to be an egg donor so that couples who do want children (I'm hoping gay couples) can feel fulfilled through the use of my goods.

So anyways. I've been working on filling this application out. It's pretty intense. Like, 30 pages of personal and family history, a bunch of pictures, photocopies of my passport, birth certificate, social security card, all that jazz. It's given me a chance to find out more about my family than I thought I knew.

It's an interesting concept, though. Donating eggs. Well, I guess it's not really donating. It's more like selling eggs. Not only is it selling, but it's seriously profiting off of it. Part of me feels as though this is going against feminist ideals. I mean, it is tantamount to selling one's body.

I guess it just depends on what you think of these things. Like, prostitution. As someone who is on the side of decriminalizing prostitution and allowing women to do what they want with their bodies, egg donation (or selling) falls in line with that ideology. Right? It makes sense to me. This is rambling. I guess I'm just thinking out loud.

It's just an interesting juxtaposition. Women can sell their eggs for thousands of dollars, while men can sell their sperm for not nearly as much, but on the flip side, men can be sterilized for maybe a hundred dollars, while women have to pay hundreds to thousands of dollars for a similar procedure. Maybe it all evens out in the end? I'm not sure.

Reproductive justice. Sometimes it seems like such an oxymoron. At least for women.

What does "feminism" mean to you?

I hate this question.

Alright. Hate is a strong word. Perhaps I don't hate it. I just don't understand it.

Defining something like feminism seems to detract from the purpose of it. And defining it generally narrows the scope of the word. Maybe that's the point. For example, in my lit class, we were reading this book Fight Like a Girl: How to be a Fearless Feminist and the discussion ended up centering on what feminism is exactly. Feminism to me is an all-encompassing term. It's not just about equal rights for women (although that is a huge component). It's about equal rights for everybody regardless of class, sex, age, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, etc.

According to my professor (and others in the class), I'm wrong. What I've just defined is egalitarianism. Maybe that's true. But why does feminism have to be such a limiting word? Why can't it be the fight for equal rights for all? And really, why do we need to define everything?

Defining terms like feminist or liberal or conservative, whatever word you want to choose, only serves to alienate people. Why doesn't everyone who wants equal rights for women (or for all) call themselves a feminist? Because the word has taken on this other, more intense meaning. And it's hard to reclaim it when so-called feminists are fighting about the definition of a word instead of fighting for the purpose of the word.

Again, maybe I'm in the wrong here. But I'm just missing the point. Or maybe this is just my further rejection of labels and boxes for everything. I'm not sure. But I am sure that I hated the discussions in class about feminism and I'm glad to be done with this book. (Sorry, Megan Seely.)